It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
