remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
