its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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