Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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