his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
