i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Randomize
