i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
