I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
