He disabled his match.com account in front of me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
