Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
