if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize