I want to have your abortion
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
