I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
