dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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