When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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