first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
love makes seman taste better
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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