Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
