I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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