Me. At least after what I've been through.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
