i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
