So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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