Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
