At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
