You can't special order awesome
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
