Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
