What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
