whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The adults are the big ones right?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
