That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
