Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
