I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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