dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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