Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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