There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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