Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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