Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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