wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
