The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You made out with two different species that night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
