i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
