Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
