Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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