So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
