Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
