Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
