o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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