we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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