His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
