I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
