I just pynch a tree in the face
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
