wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
