David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if only i could text you this smell
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize