Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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