Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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