i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
