What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
