In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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