He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
