Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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