My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
