I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
