i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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