How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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