real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
