all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
