I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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