After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize