No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
