She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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