dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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