Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
