I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize