Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
