we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
