He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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