R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
