sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
